Fraud

I am a fraud

I am a fraud. On the exterior I am all love and light and namaste but on the inside there is darkness. There is self-doubt and feelings of worthlessness. There are thoughts of “I’m not good enough” ringing through my mind like church bells to mark the passing of time. The books I read talk about the power of changing your thoughts; words and thoughts hold mana, spiritual energy, that can affect your entire world. I know this is true; I’ve seen the power that changing my belief system has had on my own life, but there is still that tiny bit of darkness that grabs me by the throat at times and won’t let go.

In the book, Love Is Letting Go of Fear, Third Edition by Gerald Jampolsky, Lesson 3 in his Lessons for Personal Transformation says, ” I am never upset for the reason I think.”  The lesson is this: We think that our feelings are caused by what’s going on around us, but in fact what we see and experience is determined by the thoughts and beliefs in our mind. I think about this every time I get upset.

I’ll give you an example. Today I was upset because my business is not growing at the pace which I had anticipated. I’ve been working harder than ever and have had one of the lowest months in awhile. When I mentioned to my husband that I was feeling sad about this, I felt that he blamed me. I became even more upset and started to cry. I knew I needed some time to think so I took my dog for a walk with tears streaming down my face.

As we walked along I thought about why I was really upset. My whole life I have struggled with feeling unsupported, unworthy and alone. I suffered abuse as a child which was ignored and allowed to continue; I was in an emotionally abusive marriage where I was often left feeling unworthy, unsupported and alone; After my divorce I was a single mom and pretty much had to do everything myself. So this situation today reminded me of all that. I felt alone and unsupported. I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders and I was getting crushed beneath it. But I recognize that those situations from my past are not only different from today’s situation, but they are over. This helped me to disassociate from my current feelings of disappointment and lack of support. I decided to see things differently (Lesson 12 in the book).

So, rather than feeling unsupported I am thinking of how I can offer support to others (Lesson 1: All I give is given to myself). Rather than feeling alone I am thinking about how I can encourage team bonding. Rather than blaming myself for things I can’t control (the past, other people, etc.) I am dreaming up ways to reach out and teach and help and inspire others to have a life filled with abundance, wellness and joy. I am writing down all the things I am grateful for and all the goals I’m looking forward to achieving. I am letting go of a past that no longer serves me and living in a present where I am loved, supported and worthy. I am consciously choosing the light and letting go of the darkness.

Maybe I’m not a fraud after all. Maybe I’m just human.

Inner Peace

I’ve recently added meditation to my daily routine. I’m not gonna lie. ..That shit is hard. I’m told it gets easier, but I have to say that every time I sit down and start to quiet my mind, all these thoughts about how much crap I need to get done start to bubble up and stress me out. Or else I fall asleep. So ya. I need to keep working on it.

I know these thoughts are coming up because of my false beliefs and fears. Most likely something I have stuck in my head is I need to do everything myself. In fact I know that thought is stuck in there. And I need to get it out. Because really, it’s impossible to do everything yourself. Having been a single mom for 16 years, I pretty much had to do everything. By myself. At least that’s what I thought at the time and so I continued to perpetuate that thinking (and still perpetuate it and let it stress me out). But I’m ready to give up that thinking. Right here. Right now. Because it’s untrue. And it is limiting.

My mantra for today is I am a magnet for miracles. Real miracles are shifts in our thinking that free us from our past fear-based thinking and turn us towards love and abundance. It’s not always easy, just like forgiving isn’t easy, but it’s possible if the desire and intent are there. The first step is being aware of your thoughts because thoughts are fucking sneaky. They creep in there and become so habitual that you feel as if you can’t control them. That’s called anxiety. And it sucks.

But the truth is that the only thing that you can control is your own thinking. And that is awesome news because when you control how you look at things, you control your perception and that means that you control your reality. So today begin your journey towards inner peace by realizing that whatever it is that is stressing you out, or making you feel less than awesome, is something that you can change just by changing your own mind. Set that intention and work until you achieve it. That’s the key though. You can’t just set your intention and then go watch TV. You have to work to achieve it. You have to sit through those meditations and consciously work on changing your negative thinking patterns. You need to rid yourself of toxic people and emotions. You need to do whatever it is that you need to do: ask for help, pray, read a book, say a mantra, use some essential oils or crystals, whatever resonates within you to do. I’m not saying it’s easy. But if you truly want it, you will be willing to put in the work and it will happen. Today we can all be magnets for miracles.

Now get to work.

Aloha pumehana

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Yes you are Unicat. Yes you are.

Forgiveness

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On the path to  self love and inner peace there are many road blocks. The biggest one for many people is forgiveness. There is a mistaken belief that forgiving someone means that what they did was ok. But forgiveness is more about yourself than it is about the other person. It means that, regardless of what someone did to you (or what you did that you need to forgive yourself for), YOU are ok. You are who you have always been; who you always will be. It is connecting with your soul and realizing that, despite whatever horrors you may have endured, you are whole and you are at peace.

I am finding myself fascinated with many things about the Hawaiian culture. While I am only beginning my studies, I am already enamored with the wisdom and simplicity of the spiritual teachings. It is like finding pieces to a puzzle that you’ve been trying to put together your entire life. Let’s take forgiveness as an example…

In Hawaiian, the term hala is used to describe an act of wrong doing committed by or against another. Moke Kupihea, in his book The Cry of the Huna says,

A hala was an act that bound the wrongdoer to the person against whom the wrong was committed. It was said that, on the one hand, wrongdoers are bound by the fault they have committed and, on the other hand, those who have been wronged hold the cord that binds the wrongdoer. One, it was said, is the debtor, the other, the person or persons indebted to. The hala, then, is the debt that lies between them. It was the belief of the people of old that if those who hold the invisible cord do not desire to relax it but continue to bear the wrong in mind, or in its active state of wrongfulness, then they are said to “hold fast the fault,” ho’o hala hala.

He then goes on to describe how a wrong can spread generationally and “can travel into future generations of a family, a people or even a nation if such is the vastness of the fault.” This can only make people dissatisfied and prone to violence. It is as if they are strangling on the cord of the hala.

It is impossible to be at peace and to hold a grudge at the same time. No matter how vast are the wrongs committed against you, to hold onto them means to continue to suffer. To feel that you need to wait until someone apologizes or offers reparations is to basically put your own wellbeing on hold. If you’re hoping for reparations, you can still have that after forgiveness has occurred. In fact, it is more likely that the person who wronged you will offer up reparations if you come to them from a place of forgiveness and peace than of accusation and blame. No need to wait. The time for forgiveness is today because, let’s face it… shit happens. Bad, unthinkable, horrific shit sometimes, sadly happens. To everyone. But it doesn’t need to cause endless suffering.

I know you’re probably saying to yourself right now, “She doesn’t know me. She doesn’t know how crazy hateful my childhood was. She doesn’t know about how my step dad sexually abused me for years… ” Or maybe your saying, “Ya, but you don’t know the horrible things I’ve done in my life. I’ve done and said unspeakable things.” You’re right. I don’t know what happened in your past. But I know what happened in mine and believe me, it was pretty fucked up. So fucked up in fact that I had to go to hypnotherapy because I had repressed the worst of the fuckedupness (yes I just made that word up). So if I can learn how to forgive that crazy ass shit, then you can too. Because to not forgive it, is to have your life permanently tainted by it forever.

Now I’m in no way saying that forgiveness is easy. It is hard as hell. But it is possible. For me, it helps to be in a calm, meditative state. I am a big fan of using essential oils to help uplift my emotions so I apply that shit all over (I’m not even kidding right now). Be sure to use the highest quality oils (I use Young Living) or else you’re not doing yourself any favors. Next I envision the person who wronged me standing in front of me. I imagine telling that person what he or she did that hurt me and how it affected me. I then say to that person, “I forgive you. I release you. And I set you free. You are free and I am free.” I’m not gonna lie, sometimes I have to do this repeatedly. Whenever I feel anger or thoughts about whatever negative thing happened bubbling up, I just repeat this process.

You, today, right now, have the opportunity to free yourself from whatever perceived wrongs (no matter how horrific) happened in your past. I guarantee you that you can do it and that you are going to feel so much lighter for having let go of that horrendous burden. Forgiveness needs to take place in the present so that healing can occur in the future. What are you waiting for?

Aloha nui loa

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Dogs always forgive themselves.

Release

A few years ago I read a book called “You Can Heal Your Life” by Louise Hay. This book actually changed my life. Louise was able to heal herself from cancer through forgiveness, positive affirmations and changing her own thought processes. It is her belief that every illness, every pain we endure is caused by our own negative thinking. I have come to believe and embrace this.

One thing I noticed after reading this book is that often my own thoughts had included the words, “I’m not good enough.” This thought had become so ingrained in my thinking that I wasn’t even aware that it was constantly in my head. It took concentrated focus and meditation for me to even realize that it was there. Our thought patterns can become so habitual that we feel powerless to change them. But we can change them. We just have to decide that we are going to change and to keep going no matter how difficult it may be.

Being aware of my own negative thinking was the first step in changing my own beliefs about myself and about the world. My life has subsequently changed dramatically since then. One of Louise Hay’s affirmations that I started using (and still continue to use) is, “I am willing to release the need to feel unworthy. I am worthy of all the best things in life and I now lovingly choose to accept them.” I then go on to add all the things that I want in my life… “I am worthy of love and I accept it now. I am worthy of freedom and I accept it now. I am worthy of prosperity and I accept it now…”

I encourage you to try this. Say it out loud. Write it down. Look at yourself in the mirror and say it. If you’re willing to give essential oils a try while writing affirmations, I recommend a blend called Release by Young Living. Much of our negative energy is stored on our liver. Try applying Release over your liver area (front and back just under your right breast area) in a circular motion. As the feelings bubble up, work on releasing them; just imagine them blowing away in the wind. If there are people (including yourself) that you need to forgive, be sure to practice that as well. I will be talking more about forgiveness this month as well.

The first step towards really loving yourself is to release your need to feel unworthy (if things in your life aren’t going the way you would like, you probably have feelings of being unworthy whether you realize it or not). Apply and diffuse Release and practice this affirmation and I can almost guarantee you that you will realize whatever it is that is causing you to feel unworthy. Hint: it’s always something you made up about yourself and it’s always a lie.

For more information about Young Living or to become a wholesale member click here.

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